Fear by the Creek.

I’ll be posting this tomorrow, but I thought I’d put it up to show you all early.

I made a post today on instagram talking a slight bit, but I have something weird going on. I am not diagnosed, and I’m not exactly sure, I’m not a professional, but it may be ocd. (My husband has advised, and I agree, its probably best- I am seeing a therapist.) But anyway, this artwork has a story behind it, if it isn’t obvious.

In August, I went on a camping trip with my husband’s family. There was a creek I was rompin’ around in. Joe was fishing, and it was me and Christina (my best friend and Joe’s sister.) She took a nap in a hammock, and, being the fool I am, forgot my hammock, so I decided to go have a good time in nature to myself.

Sitting on a rock, I noticed a distance away on another rock one of those caterpillars I hear rumors were poisonous if you touched them. it was bright and fluffy, and I made a note to keep away from there.

So I sat at the creek. And I prayed.

I know a lot of people probably imagine praying as interlocking your fingers and asking God for forgiveness or help with something- amen. But that’s really not what prayer is. It’s a conversation with God. It’s sitting with him, listening to what he has to say, and when you don’t know what he has to say, or you notice he hasn’t said anything in a while, sometimes it means its time to ask him and listen.

So, in that peaceful moment, with all that I’ve been facing involving the events of my wedding and the doubt and fear that rages in my head, I asked God to tell me something.

Very shortly after that, I heard a distinct- “Go.”

“Go… where?”


I fought it a little- “Where? Like behind me? In front of me? Across the creek- down the creek-?”


So I just… walked forward. There was no goal or objective, he had asked me to wander. So I did.

Eventually, i got to about the middle of the creek. And a stick caught my eye. I felt God tell me to pick it up. So I did.

I walked around with this stick.

“Holy crap, why did he tell me to get this stick?? Will i need it? Why do i need it? Oh no this means I’m gonna have to protect myself–?!”

So yeah I convinced myself he asked me to pick up the stick because I would need it to fight a snake.

But, I pressed on. Kept wandering.

I saw another stick. A thin, bendy, one. It was pretty, and I thought I might take it home, the color and texture were so interesting.

“Pick a stick to throw.”

A little shook, I stared at them, trying to decide. My heart started pounding.

I wanted to throw the first stick. I had convinced myself that it meant I’d be fighting a snake, and if i tossed it, it meant I wouldn’t have to anymore. And I could take this pretty stick home and not worry about fighting a snake.

I didn’t really want to keep the pretty one as much as I wanted to throw the first one.

That’s when God pointed something out to me.

I convinced myself this first stick was for something bad, and now I want to get rid of it because I was scared of what I convinced myself it would bring.

So, in faith, to actively work against this unhealthy thinking, I threw the pretty stick, and kept the one that I had.

I could feel God was proud, but also I felt horribly scared.

But, pressing on.

Big ol’ stick in hand, I came back to where I started. At this point, I had been using the stick to draw on rocks with water.

As I was drawing, a caterpillar poked over the rock. A bright, fluffy caterpillar.

I drew water circles around it, carried it around with the stick, and realized-

I had used this stick for nothing but fun.

And now here I am, calling this little guy a friend, the same caterpillar I warned myself to stay clear of.

I’m ready, 2020.

I was going to make this post a letter to 2020, but when I first met it this morning, when I woke up, the most beautiful thing began. 
But it didn’t start out beautiful. 
It started in the dark. 
The sun was shining. Things were at peace around me, quiet-
The dark was behind my eyes. My consciousness arose in a slew of twisted and demented thoughts, with no time to fight. Some thoughts, horrible and unnatural and twisted, others telling me that I’m a fraud, that every word I speak and every action I make is a lie I’m telling myself and the people I love.
I have tried everything I could think of to battle these black ideas. Chanting in my head and creating new images to distract myself, to even giving in and bracing myself for shame-
I’ve been doing this for ten years.
Wow. Ten whole years of this.
It was a hard morning, This January 1st, 2020. It was the epitome of my everyday struggle.
I don’t know what’s been wrong with me. I’m not any kind of psychologist, but I’ve been having panic attacks and doubts and things, and it’s been beginning to torment me every day, at this point, the second I become conscious in the morning.
This morning though, it was just one that had me defeated.
When my husband tried to comfort me, the lonely feeling that there is nothing he could do, nothing even I could do, it feels so. utterly. lonely.

I eventually got up got in the shower. I don’t know how many of you all have spiritual moments in the shower, but I tend to. I was so upset in that shower. I’ve never asked God, “Why haven’t you just fixed it??” Not angry like I was. I feel so trapped, all the time. I said, “how could you possibly fix this one?” But God told me that I would be okay.
Look, I know, it didn’t fix anything, but God deeply understood me. He knows what’s going on with me more than I ever could. He told me that this is all for the better of me, that he’s going to use this, and He allowed this so I can share who He is, how He has a plan to rescue me, and that this is the making of a beautiful story.
The beauty was that the first event of the decade- God spoke.
It was stirringly powerful.
I let it rattle the dark thing roaming my head.
This is the year, it dies.

From an Artist: A Real Christian’s Perspective on Homosexuality

This isn’t easy to talk about.
But it’s important.

But hey. 

I’m going to get real and very honest with you all about who I am.

I am a Christian. 

I know how a lot of people in the art community feel about Christians- but this still me and I won’t hide the truth that it plays the biggest role in my life.

It defines who I am, how I treat others in my life, how I treat myself, and even how I go about my day. I strive to live as Jesus did, and that means loving everyone as a creation that God Himself made. That means no matter what they believe, who they are, what they’ve done, or even what they’re doing- I am called to love them like this: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” So here I’ll say, no matter what, anyone who follows my blogs, or likes my artwork, or reads my stories believes, I will treat them with love and respect. I am called by God to love everyone regardless of what they believe.

Now, I believe it’s a sin to participate in homosexual actions. But that doesn’t mean I judge you for simply having different beliefs. 

I believe the Bible and choose to live my life according to what it says, and that is what it says. but I doesn’t mean I hate the LGBTQ+ community, in fact, I’m called to show them the same love and kindness I show to anyone. Just as much as you have a right to believe it’s okay to be homosexual, I have a right to think it’s not. But, that doesn’t mean either of us has to judge each other for simply having different beliefs. We can simply just disagree.

All this said, I have gay friends. And I totally loved spending time with them! Just because my beliefs list that I should not participate in homosexual actions doesn’t mean I want all LGBTQ+ to burn in hell, or that I’ll treat them as any less than I would anyone I love! 


I just don’t want to draw it or anything. It’s my art, and I want it to reflect what I believe.

As much as I support the right to it, I don’t exactly want to encourage it all though, after all, I don’t believe it’s right. And I am told in the bible not to encourage people to sin. I honor that when I don’t draw gay characters, or when choose not to write or draw gay romances, Although I have gay characters in my stories, I don’t outwardly encourage anyone to be gay– and don’t ever draw it, but the truth of the matter is- there are gay people. There are lesbians. There are bisexuals. It’s not something I’m about to deny. I honestly just get annoyed seeing it everywhere with #pride, more because it feels like an attack against me for not believing it is right. You can’t help believing it’s right- I can’t help that I believe otherwise. The movement expects people to change their beliefs on homosexuality- but I’m not asking you to change yours? The artistic movement bothers me, because It is the assumption that I hate them because I’m Christian when in reality I think they should have a right to be gay, I just don’t believe it is good for them. I’m all for their rights, Now, I’m not about to march in a parade, but I think they should be able to get married. Again, I want people to have the right, but I don’t want anyone to be expected to change, or to be attacked by a community for what they believe. And I think that’s something anyone can get behind. Freedom to think and believe and live as they choose.


Aren’t Christians supposed to love everyone? Because they are, that’s what Jesus did.

Christians who judge LGBTQ+ and treat them as horrible less-than-human trash, are not godly Christians, and will have to face God for their words and their actions. The bible actually specifically rebukes these “Christians” and I do not stand by or defend anyone who treats another so horribly. I believe we are all the same in God’s eyes and all sin is equal. So, if you’re LGBTQ+, I wish anyone of any sexual orientation a good life, happy memories, incredible adventures, and I pray for anyone who needs it, regardless of their orientation. I absolutely love from the bottom of my heart everyone because that’s what Jesus did, and he calls us to be the same way. It hurts me to see people claim to be Christian yet be so awful and just walk all over with Jesus teaches AND make the church look bad in the process. 

I got a comment when I announced on Instagram that I was a Christian. They asked if I was Christian, then what do I think about the LQBTQ+ community? I told them what I wrote here, and their response broke my heart.

It disappointed me. Not exactly because they were assuming I was a bad person, but because when I said I was Christian, the first thing they thought of when I said “Christian” was all the terrible Christians the media puts out there. Why is it that everyone associates Christians with these hypocrites? Those people who are just so excited about everyone burning in hell, who use the Bible- the Holy Word of God to lift themselves up and their own agenda? The Bible is supposed to change us– and these “Christians” are taking the commands and picking them out to hurt others and do the exact things it says not to do: 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

”A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.”
John 13:34

“One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
‘The most important one,’ answered Jesus, ‘is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.’
‘Well said, teacher,’ the man replied. ‘You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.’
When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, ‘You are not far from the kingdom of God.’ And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.”
Mark 12:28-34

“What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.”
James 2:14-17

There’s so many verses that say not to treat anyone- and I mean anyone– without love. Arguably more than there are that mention anything about homosexuality. It makes me furious that this is what people see instead of the truth. I want everyone to feel the same love God has for them whether they believe it or not. 


And Should Homosexuals be able to Get Married?

I don’t think we should take the right to get married away from the LGBTQ+ community. They should be allowed to do as they please. America is based on that very freedom, even if I don’t think it’s right, it doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t. Again, I’m not here to judge, I’m here to love. I don’t have control over your life decisions, and I absolutely don’t have any right to treat you any better or worse for your decisions. 


Do you think homosexuals go to Hell?

This is what I believe the bible says about the judgment of a homosexual.

Well, I’m going to say the truth about what I believe. Again, I’m not making you believe this, you don’t have to agree, this is simply the answer to the question.

I do believe the bible is saying you are doing something horribly and detrimentally wrong to your eternal life.

I think, first, it would be good to address what “Hell” is. What Christians mean when they say you’re going to hell. This is the reason I don’t ever wish anyone to go to hell, the reason I am so dumbfounded, shocked and so incredibly furious that Christians of all people, people who know exactly what they are saying when they say this- the reason why this:

Makes me so incredibly furious, and far, far more horrified than some dudes kissing. 

“Hell” is the word given to separation from God. It is simply existence outside of Him, and the reason it is so awful is because you were created to be His creation, and separation from Him is nothing. Hell is where your purpose and everything you are is absolutely meaningless. You exist forever without God, without anything, because He created all that you see and live around, apart from him, you would not have any of it. He even created Satan and the demons, so apart from him, there is simply nothing. I don’t say this to scare you or judge you or anything, I am just defining “Hell.” The Bible mentions that God put fire there so that there is some sensation compared to the empty chasm of an existence I imagine it would be. I’m going to take some liberties and say why I think that may be such an uncomfortable experience- if God is so loving- the feeling of true lack of purpose and out-of-placeness as His creation is more painful that any pleasant feeling could drown out, the only distraction may be a physical pain like fire, therefore, in his mercy for even those who didn’t want Him so bad that they denied him- and wanted to be without him forever- he showed mercy and put something as best he could to distract them from the suffering of true nothing. It is quite literally in the worst way I could imagine “nothing” being. No time, no thought, no story, the end. Things don’t go on, it’s just forever desperately alone. It’s torment in the most mental and spiritual way I could imagine.

So, when “Christians” say hell, that’s what they mean.

Yeah, its probably worse than you thought too.

I will say once more, this is not an accusation and an attack. It’s not to “scare you into being Christian”- You have come here for answers on what I believe, I believe the Bible, this is what the bible says.

Now it’s important to talk about why one would end up there. The reason is-

The wages of sin is death– and Death is eternal separation from God.

That’s why in the Old Testament they would have sacrifices to atone for the wage. God gave them this command to keep them closer to Him. To save them from the consequence of their sin. 

But, he promised a savior to save everyone from sin and death- to save us from eternal separation from God. He sent his own son Jesus– Jesus is God and man in one, God’s very nature as man. Fully man and fully God- he came down to teach us the new commands after he would later rise from the dead and be the very sacrifice that we needed to save us from our sins that separated us from Him. Jesus died, went into the depths of Hell- the same empty void I described- and came back out– because you can’t separate God from himself. His sacrifice was the ultimate blood sacrifice needed to atone for all of mankind’s sins. Now, because God himself, the most sinless, (because God can not sin, because sin is separation from God, and you can’t separate God from God-) and the creator himself is perfect, he was enough to pay the price for us.

You wouldn’t go to hell “because you’re gay,” You’d go to hell as in be separate from God, because you were choosing to live in a sin instead of choosing Him. It doesn’t matter what the sin is, It’s the denial of Jesus, His sacrifice, and his commands.

To accept Jesus Christ as the son of God, accepting that he rose from the dead and died for your sins, and living as he commanded and following him as you were created to do- fulfilling your purpose as His, is the difference between “Heaven” and “Hell.” It is someone’s desire to stay in their sin rather than follow God is what separates them from God. They would rather have sin than God. That the denial of His incredibly difficult sacrifice for you (keep in mind- Jesus- who is the Son of God, had died for you- He went to hell Himself and paid the price of your sin- which is what separates you from Him and holds you in Hell)  is the reason people go to Hell, not that they are “punished”  so much as that they will not spend eternity with Him, (by their choice of choosing sin over Him) and will, by default, be separate from him. They do not know Him because they did not follow his commands, and they denied Him and His sacrifice, they will no longer spend time with Him in his blessings and in His creation. It is in following His commands that you learn who He is. You become more like Him, and draw closer to Him. You leave your sin behind you when you follow what He says, when you follow His instruction in the Bible, because it was given to us so we know who He is, how He lived, How he loves, and how to do it all too. He doesn’t expect perfection from us, but to draw us closer. He can not be closer to someone who loves their sin more than Him. The bible says you can not obey “two masters,” God and Sin are different. You get one or the other. God will not take both. 

Also, God doesn’t predestine this. There is disagreement in the church about this, but I believe the majority of the Church believes anyone can be saved, all are loved, and that anyone can turn their life around and come to Christ. So it’s not exclusive. It’s all your decision. But the God in the Bible God invites you to be with him and get to know him. He wants to know you. He wants to know the character he made you to be and grow you and help you with a story that will change you forever. He will be your best friend in all times of trouble and make every day worth your struggle and your pain.  hat is what a Christian believes, and they live it out.

Being a Christian is about the everyday realization that you are not perfect, you never will be, and yet, that is still enough for God to forgive you so much as to die, go to hell, and come back just for you. It makes you want to be more like Him, to do whatever He commands because you feel like you quite literally do owe him your life, and all that you are- but the beauty of it is- that’s what you were created to do all along. You were a character designed with a purpose, with a path of growth he wrote out for you, trials and things will happen to you, God never promised you perfect safety, an easy life, comfort, or satisfaction- He said life would be pretty freaking hard, but he would give you everything you need to make it, and use it all to grow you closer to him.


Are Homosexuals saved? Can you be Homosexual and Christian at the same time?

I don’t believe people who actively and willingly participate in homosexual actions are saved. They deny the obvious truths in the Bible. They are knowingly living in sin, and they are doing exactly what God commands us not to do.

Some bible verse that explain this:

“Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.” Romans 1:24

Some background- because I know people like to claim verses about homosexuality are always “Out of context,” this verse is in Romans 1, Paul is talking about God’s coming wrath on humanity, he is describing a generation in which God will judge, describing their actions, and saying that “God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-” this is a prophecy, Paul, the author, was speaking to what God does to societies that are this way. He is writing to the Roman Society in general, I believe particularly also the city of Corinth, but in saying this, it is not a warning to just them- it is a statement of what God does to people who do these things. Paul was actually a Roman- and a Christian persecutor particularly- before God made him blind for three days and lead him to a man who showed him who God was. This passage is in Romans, if you want to read more about it and try to refute this, please do so, and tell me what you find. 

“Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
1 Corinthians 6:9-11

This is from 1 Corinthians, a series of letters written the church of Corinth, he is teaching them God’s word through these letters. There was a lot of stuff similar to things in our culture today happening in this city. A lot of what Paul (Same guy who wrote Romans) writes in this book speaks to our society today. These are letters written to teach them God’s general word- what Jesus had told them and taught.

I’m not here to tell everyone all these bible verses on why it’s a sin. These are just two out of many and I picked them from the New testament because that is what applies to us today. There is TONS of mention of it in the Old Testament, but so much of that is not to us, but to people of the time because they were under the Old law, which was involving the sacrifices and the complexities before we had a savior. When people use verses out of context, they usually come from there. But We are under the New Law, and pretty much any command to us is stated like this, in the New Testament, which has Jesus’s teachings, an entirely new look on living life compared to the Old Law.


If you are interested in reading more on where in the bible it says that that homosexual actions are a sin, this website is always my go to recommendation. They have honest answers and lots of biblical evidence, they’ve answered everything- trust me. I’ve seen the most random questions and they always have answers. You can also ask questions and they will likely write a response. They even talk about pagan religions, witchcraft, even demonic and spiritual things, and more. Divorce, identity, self-care, depression- if you wonder what the Bible has to say on it, chances are they provide good articles giving you the idea of what the bible says on it.
For this specific subject, this is a good article.


Or for crying out loud- do your own research instead of reading what people say the bible says- just read the bible for yourself. I recommend a good place to start on the subject is Romans or one of the Corinthians Books. Want to be equipped for an argument about LGBTQ+ rights? Inform yourself. Not gonna lie, a lot of Christians kind of suck with their bible. Get good at it. But, have humility when you’re told your facts are wrong (but like also make sure they are wrong) and improve your argument. I’ll even use this tactic here to make you do your own research- prove me wrong with my own bible. I’m up for the challenge. Do it.

I do believe it is not wrong to struggle with the thoughts and temptations– because we are human- and some sin can not be helped- another reason He died, because there is no way we could ever just “stop,” and I believe the feelings are very real. I do. I personally know close friends who actively struggle with it. It can be tempting to eat cookies from the cookie jar as a kid, but you still knew it was wrong, so you didn’t do it. It’s the same concept, you can be tempted, but it is the strength in defying that temptation that brings you closer to God. 


It’s not between me and you. I don’t have feelings about you either way. I’m just supposed to love you. That’s all.

This is a good point to make clear- see how that has literally nothing to do with me? Where I have no place to make any judgments whatsoever about you? It is between you and God. Your sexuality is to do with you and God alone. I am not here to judge your decisions. I believe the bible, and this is what it says, but see how my bible also says it’s none of my business? It’s the commands of God, and I will follow them. My only part in the entire scene is to love you.

Christians, probably 7/10 of them at least (to be frankly honest), will tell you you’re sinning and tell you the consequences of your sin because they care about you. You heard me describe hell. Someone who genuinely loves you would warn you, wouldn’t they? Look at it from their perspective. If you knew something terrible was going to happen to your friend, wouldn’t you warn them? There is a quote I see a lot by Mark Driscoll, it says, “If you’re not Christian, you’re going to hell. It’s not unloving to say that. It’s unloving not to say that.” Wouldn’t you want to be warned if something terrible was coming your way? Christians try to warn others because there is a terrible, terrible price to pay otherwise. They aren’t trying to change you for selfish reasons (most the time) they are genuinely trying to warn you. So, at least be thankful for their friendship, the care they have for you, and try to understand it’s probably not an attack. Maybe talk with them about it. Figure out their intentions and assume the best.


Finally, Here’s- in my opinion- the most important verse on this subject. The root of the whole flipping issue and the bible’s- again, in my opinion- strongest stance on it.

“The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.”

Romans 1:18-32



Thank you for reading and hearing me out.

So there’s my stance on this. I am very open to discussion. If you have further questions on what I believe or even about Christianity in general, if you want to start a talk about it, You can email me at thebitsymegan@gmail.com or even start texting me at (859) 533-5437. DM me on instagram @the.bitsy.artist, and start talking. I am so happy to discuss this.  Not kidding, you can read this right now at 3 in the morning and actually contact the actual person who wrote this and talk to me, answer any questions that popped in your head and get more answers. Don’t forget, I’m an actual real person.

BUT, I am not happy to fight though. If you do not come into the discussion with humility, facts to your best knowledge that are true, or you come to just chew me out for my beliefs, I will not talk to you any further about the subject.

If you are a Christian and you agree with this, and you have a friend that you are in a discussion with them about this, feel free to share this with them. Do not just randomly send it, do not passive aggressively post it on your social media to attack them, you are allowed and encouraged to share this, (just tag me or let me know somehow so I can see where it goes and keep an eye on it and change it if I ever need too!) But express the love, and I am telling you, you are not allowed to use this to hurt someone. If you are attacking anyone with my words I will not tolerate it. This is to show the Love of God and the very Truth of existence. Speak kindly, always love, and don’t ever stop loving the LGBTQ+ community.


Finally, if you have any more questions, I encourage you to pray. You know, even if you don’t feel like you live a “godly life,” or you don’t feel worth of him, as some people do, he will listen. You don’t have to be a “Christian” to pray. If you don’t know how to pray, just start talking to God. It doesn’t have to sound all old-timey “Oh thou that art in heaven” or anything, (Jesus was a jew? Jews have almost nothing to do with old English… so fun fact, it’s all not really related) You can really just be yourself. God designed you as you are and he wants to hear the real, genuine you talking. You’re allowed to feel anything with him. You’re allowed to struggle, you’re allowed to be you. You’re allowed to be angry at him, you’re allowed to feel confused. He thinks things are funny, he designed humor, he made your brain he knows the times- for crying out loud he’ll get your meme references, as stupid as it sounds. But it’s the truth. You don’t have to be afraid to come to God. He loves you, and he wants to know you more.

Once again, You don’t have to believe it all, but this is what I believe, and I want you to feel welcome to understand it. I want you to feel invited and I don’t want you to feel like Christianity is an exclusive thing.

What Home is

Home is where you make it. Making something “home” means adding your touch wherever you go, while simultaneously accepting that place as part of yourself. Whether that be a physical place or a people, home is where you become part of something, and that something becomes part of you. When it begins to feel farmilar, when you start identifying memories with a place, when it becomes a setting in your story, or the people that make that home start to become characters in your life, and eventually, when parting with it is like parting with a piece of yourself, or closing a bittersweet chapter of a story, that’s when you know you made a home. And that’s how you know you can keep making more homes, more stories, and more memories.

That’s one of the first things my husband said to me, “Coffee is a wonderful thing-” Now we enjoy coffee together every morning and make every day our home. He is part of my home, and everyday is an adventure right in our own town- and even when we move soon, we’ll make new memories and live new stories to tell. I left my old home to be with him, and we keep pressing on to make more memories and grow together as God writes each day for us.

A Love Story in Pictures

We met on a trip to an amusement park. His sister, Christina, is my best friend, and when she invited me to join her family to visit King’s Island I was of course excited to go. I love roller coasters and days in the sun like that.

I had met Joseph just once before, very briefly at Christina’s house at a New Year’s party, but during that trip I was I was pretty positive he liked me, but, you know, I liked him, so I just assumed I was reading into it and barely fancied the thought.

His sister and his dad left to go look for inner tubes at the wave pool, leaving me and him together for a while. They were gone looking forever, and so him and I float around together. He as very adamant about holding my hand or the handle on the inner tube and keeping me with him, which of course, I didn’t mind. 😀

Hanging out with my best friend about a week later, she took me out for my birthday. I saw on her phone he had text her and was asking about me, hoping she could ask me to come backpacking with them. It was enough I asked her how old he was… and she was surprised, and told me he wanted my number.


I got his number, and we were texting every day since that day, and calling every night not soon after.

He lived two and a half hours away for school, so we didn’t get to see each other except when he would come up for some weekends.

On that backpacking trip, we had a great time. It was my first one, and there would be plenty more to come. Hammocking, swimming in the river, catching fish with our bare hands, it was all so new and exciting to me.

He came up again for our first official date. We went to Applebee’s, were both visibly nervous and got the same thing to eat, then we went bowling- and it wasn’t even 7 o’clock. So we decided to go to the park for a walk.

I had worn heels (stupidly, unaware of the fact we would be going on walk-) so I just took them off and went bare feet. We did like three laps around the park though… talking, and my feet were hurting from the sidewalk. So he insisted on carrying me from the park bench to the car.

More talking on the phone late every night. It was something I loved, and of course he did too, it was a great way to relax, wrap up the day, and spend some time together as best we could do over the distance.

I was invited to go camping with his family a few weeks later. Christina and I rode with the parents and would meet him at the camp ground. Another great trip. We had our first kiss outside the camper one night. It was so incredibly awkward it was sweet. It was my first kiss, and I had no idea what to expect. But it was the first of many kisses to come 😀

Whenever Joe would come up, he would sometimes teach me to drive. For a few different reasons, I didn’t get the opportunity to learn very often. He was the best to teach me. His incredible patience with me and his willingness to push me even though I’m a bit scared is something I’m so happy to call him mine for.

The naps on the couch after church on Sundays were the best naps for obvious reasons. My favorite little memories while getting to know him were the moments like this. Just relaxing together and being a reminder to each other that things are okay.

He proposed February 2nd, 2019, at the same park that we had our first date. He tried to recreate the first date as best he could, so I saw it coming a mile away- so we were both sitting in the Applebee’s- all nervous and flustered like the first time. 🙂

He proposed on the bench he carried me from. Then honestly we both just sat in the car looking at the ring in shock for a while.

While we were engaged, maybe two weeks after he proposed, his grandpa had died. So Joseph drove up here to come travel with us to the funeral. But on the way, the weather was really bad, and he hydroplaned and flipped his car twice.

But he came out without a scratch. His car didn’t, but he was okay. Christina called to tell me, and it was the scariest call of my life.

He eventually got home really late. I thank God for keeping him safe, and bringing him home to everyone who loves him. I know God has incredible plans for that man, and I never appreciated the gift of him so much until that day I thought I could have lost him.

Our engagement was eventful to say the least, with insane family drama and a wedding being planned, his accident and so much more you all- but he was my best friend, my voice of reason, my confidence, and my peace through the whole thing. Lots of prayer together over the phone and focusing on a good time together while he was there.

Our wedding was May 17th, 2019.

I’m so happy I get to spend the rest of my life with the best man I ever met. He changed my life and me in such a short time, and it will all never be the same. I am more in love with my life than ever, and i keep falling in love with him more and more every day.


It’s Loud

Jean-Michel Basquiat’s Portrait of Glenn

This was a poem I wrote in High School during that creative writing class. The prompt was just this painting by Jean-Michel Basquiat. Then, I eventually did this painting later. Of my poem. Just think it was cool to write a poem off another artwork, then another piece off of that poem.

This was my pastel on canvas after the poem was written. I think I did it about a month later. This is also my first pastel piece.

Loud to me
It’s just clutter

Clutter that clatters
Crashes in my
mind – only mine

Bounce off the
walls of this canvas
Songs, beats- lies

Lies to the beat
Of this song that I hate
And only I know

I only know
Because only
I hear.

It sickens me
Alone with the

song only I know.
But it’s back in
my mind- cycle

Through my system.

get it out everywhere
Unhinge my jaw

Just to get it
someone to hear.

My eyes glow
With the song
I lost myself

My solid yellow eyes
Something’s wrong
Clearly wrong.

Make it clear
Expose the symptoms
It’s contagious

I refuse to die!
This sickness of a song
I show the signs

but they- they died.

Deaf- they were
Unable to hear the song
The song that made them sick

They held it in
It killed them
Killed them clean.

It’s trying to get me-
this ill literacy-
This- this killer lullaby

But I’ll never
Let it stay.
I spit it out.

Over and over-
Get it out.



When the Butterflies Fly Away

On a hike down a little trail, the smell of the Kentucky River was strong, and hot rocks on the shore emitted that slightly metallic aroma. Dannon followed Eve down a thin trail, which was more just a path of parted grass that the girls had to comb through to continue through to their destination.

Dannon followed behind Eve as quick as she could, but the grass brushed her legs far more than grass usually would have on her average day drawing at her desk. She had to continually shoved aside the thought of the bugs that were probably crawling all over her, but Eve was a good six feet away, pounding through the tall grass after the sound of the water. Eve’s urgency to reach the river made it a lot easier for Dannon to feel the exciting sense of adventure, even if she was a little out of her element.

“Have you ever been down here before?” Dannon panted from far back. She could see the shore of the river glowing from where she stood in the shade of the trees.

“Yeah! All the time. It’s beautiful.” Eve‘s voice responded from far away near the edge of the trees.

Dannon was in no disagreement. The entire hike took her breath away, both in beauty and in the physical sense, she was one hundred percent sure she would be sore for the next three days, but all the color and the peaceful sounds of the forest were more than worth it to her.

Eve chuckled watching Dannon shuffle down the steep end of the trail until she finally came to a stumble at the shore. The sun bounced off the rocks in a way that the heat felt thick and solid. She squinted to see anything, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the bright sun after being in the shade of the trees.

As Dannon walked along the shore, she kept tripping over the unstable rocks, trying to see as much nature as she could before she would recluse in the indoors again- and Eve sat on a large rock, overlooking the wide river that ran below the precipice towering above her, it lorded across the water, and from below Eve sat in awe as usual.

The girls were unaware of the importance of this hike. See, they were actually somewhat strangers, Eve and Dannon had only known each other through a friend, but, Eve wanted to go on a hike- so bad, she was willing to invite that short girl she knew from student council last year. And Dannon was just itching to meet someone new, and if it meant stepping out of her comfort zone, she was happy to do it.

Even in the silence during just those twenty-six minutes on the rocks and the soft breeze mixing around the heat, there was something there neither girl knew was there, right under their noses.

Dannon walked back closer to the trees, the rocks were reflecting the bright sun into her eyes, putting her in almost a haze that left her moving and thinking slower, so she was put in a motion that she couldn’t help but be in deep thought. She caught her foot on a rock- and suddenly there was a burst of white butterflies that rose from the ground out of nowhere.

At first, She noticed the quick movements of the shadows they cast. she was thrown off, because She had not been quite as aware of her surroundings as she was the world in her head, but she quickly understood they were just innocent, soft wings, and they all hovered over the rocks for a while. She just stood, smiling, taking in such a wonderful little thing, thinking about how the gentle bugs just chose to swirl around together at her feet, even though she had disturbed the place they were, they all hopped in the air below her, almost as to just let her enjoy the simple blessings they were.

She took the opportunity in her hazed state of mind to contemplate how she related to those common white butterflies, she grasped the magical moment like it was temporary, because it would only last as long as she needed to learn-

Enjoy the moment now, and even more later.

And as the butterflies dispersed as quickly as they came, Dannon let out a small sigh through a crooked smile.

She turned around to get a look at who would be her new best friend, the girl who watched the butterflies from her rock. The second she made eye contact with Eve she sprinted over to her.

“Did you see that? That was so pretty!” Dannon was still beaming at the thought of the new memory.

“It was,” Eve pulled her little backpack up off the ground. “You ready to head home?”

“Yeah- OH!” Dannon was amazing she hadn’t asked such an obvious question yet- “Do you want to spend the night??”

Eve almost always said no to that question.

But there was a pause. “Sure!”

One year, two years, three years, they stuck together. Concert tickets, sleepovers, talks in the car, amusement parks, everything best friends did. Time passed in a blurry mix of fun and emotion.

But one summer, Eve left on a trip.

Texts between Eve and Dannon proved Eve wasn’t gonna be the same when she came back.

Eve’s new friends weren’t as excited about talks in the car, or sleepovers or amusement parks. It was more about the parties and grown up things.

And when Eve came back, things just stopped being the same.

Dannon didn’t think about the argument often, in fact, Eve said not to talk to her again. But things change, people change, it was okay.

For Dannon: New friends, new life, different concerts, new sleepovers, her own car to talk to friends in, that new amusement park. Dannon found it pretty easy to fill a day with productivity and throw some fun in there too.

And after a few months, Dannon realized… she hadn’t journaled in a while.

She knew it was because her next entry would be on Eve, regarding all the good times had, and how things aren’t like that anymore. She knew she would write about the fun times and the concerts and the amusement parks… She knew she would write about how quickly she came and how quickly she left. She knew she would write about how wonderful her memories were with Eve. How a friend like her to just spend time with, to be close to in your high school years, is normal. And yes, high school friends change. Just like anyone else. In the end, they were just normal, common girls. But she was so happy she got to spend that simple, exciting time of her life with someone.

And now, sitting here, on her bed, a dim light and a hot-chocolate candle, She writes:

“And then the butterflies flew off. I almost felt like I didn’t deserve to enjoy them, in a strange way, especially for as long as they chose to fly with me. They all dispersed as quickly as they appeared, but I was still left with that smile. In fact, I noticed I chose to be more happy when they left then when they came, happy I saw that beauty, that I got to experience those common white butterflies.”


A Ship to Sail Out

A Ship to Sail Out

There’s a deeper whoosh than a pencil
When I take my pen to my tablet.
There is an elegant completeness
In each invisible stroke-
A stroke only I know.

But even in my quiet uncertainty,
Each stroke sounds as sure
As the releasing of a sail on a ship.

The wind, that is, my latest creation-
I imagine, Is caught in my strokeless sail of a pen.
As I draw, the ocean air watches,
With the wind and my sail,
I’ll head out into the sea I call my tomorrow.